A Different Sort of Work Life Balance.

I moved out here to attend grad school about a year and a half ago now.  It wasn’t until a few days ago, however, that I finally bumped into someone I know from the program while out and about. It’s a bit amazing when I think about it really. This is a small town. We have only a handful of grocery stores, and only one shopping mall. There really aren’t too many places to go, and while our department is small, it certainly isn’t that small. At first the idea of not knowing anyone was a bit lonely – but when that first casual meeting happened I realized that I value a bit of anonymity.  Thankfully I didn’t happen to be anywhere too incriminating, or buying anything too embarrassing… but if it can happen once it can happen again, and who is to say that next time I won’t be buying underwear, or tampons, or who knows what.  Not that I should truly be ashamed of buying those products- every woman does. Still, I come from a large ‘burb where you can safely assume that you’ll never know another soul in the store that you’re in.

They don’t tell you about these things in the professionalization courses. These little ways that life and work intertwine- especially if you end up at a small school in a small town. I wonder if I’ll start driving to the next town over just for groceries or a private dinner out. A raucous night out with the girls could prove particularly damaging- though maybe less so in the summer when the undergraduate population has dramatically decreased.

Maybe I’ll only apply for jobs in big cities…

Season’s Greetings

I am not a holiday person. It’s not that I don’t like holidays, they’re fine. I just prefer mine calm and stress-free, and for me this is achieved by not participating in a good deal of the things that our society says we must do. For example, I don’t decorate my house from baseboard to roof top. I do put up a tree which I decorate with ornaments that have special significance to me, and I have a few small pieces of holiday oriented craftiness gifted to me by family members that I cherish and put out as reminders of them – but no more. Perhaps this will change as I get older and have children, but I find traditions more stressful than joyful these days. The biggest offender? Christmas cards.  I don’t do Christmas Cards.  You see, in order for me to get Christmas cards out in time, I’d have to start now. But right now I’m writing papers and preparing for end of semester presentations. Even if this weren’t the case, I probably still wouldn’t send them out.  It doesn’t mean I don’t care about people, or that I’m some miser sitting at home bah-humbugging those who *do* send them out- I just have no genuine desire to do so myself. About two weeks from now, however, I’ll start receiving them. Those red and green and silver envelopes will fill up the mailbox. Ok, maybe not fill – I’m not that popular – but there they will be in all their Christmas cheer, and I’ll start to wonder if people expect me to send one back. Do they think less of me for not conforming to this social rule that says we must send generic greetings of seasonal joy to everyone we’ve ever known regardless of our current relationship? If I did respond in kind it would be out of a feeling of obligation, not actual desire to send cards – but I don’t think the motivation matters at this point, only the outcome. Perhaps that’s why I don’t like to send them. I don’t like to feel *obligated* to do something that is supposed to signify an act of caring.  The social expectation sucks the joy out of it for me. Then there is the added stress of who to send one to.  Family of course, but what about co-workers? Past co-workers? Classmates? Clients?  That outer circle of friends? Soon the list has exploded, and let’s face it – it can get expensive. There is also the competitive factor. I have no time to make my own cards, and no money to pay for fancy custom photo cards. I also have nothing photo worthy. I have no rosy cheeked children, no pets to dress in Santa hats. And why send a photo of myself? I look much the same now as I did last year. I haven’t gotten married or gone on a fancy vacation. I don’t have a beautiful front door decorated (see above) with a lush wreath drenched in a special flood light just for the occasion. Any card I send would pale in comparison to… well, anything. So I opt out. And hopefully, those who *would* make it onto my christmas card list if I had one know that I love them and hope they have a fabulous and safe holiday season without a generic reminder printed on flimsy paper.

non compliance.

I always do this. I always swear I won’t. Not this time. I’m always wrong.

The end of the semester comes, I get stressed out, and I let myself eat whatever I want. I crave sweets and carbs and fatty foods for comfort. The thought of a salad makes me cringe.  Normally I love vegetables. Fresh, crunchy, raw veggies are usually a staple – but these last few weeks they’ve gone to waste in my refrigerator while the soda bottles and candy bar wrappers pile up.

I know I do it to myself. I create this situation. Then I feel bad about my choices and the way I look and the way I feel, and to comfort myself… yep… I eat more crap.

I do find that when I write down what I eat or use a site like  fitday.com, I eat better. When I can see exactly how very bad that milkshake is, it is far less appealing. Of course, I’ve fallen out of the habit of recording my food as well.

So the question is, if tracking my food makes forces me to comply with a healthy eating regimine, what will make me comply with tracking what I eat?

The ugly side of green.

I’ve recently started using the new organic cosmetics from Physician’s Formula.  The combination of all organic ingredients, environmentally sensitive packaging, and a decent price point appealed to me, and I liked that I didn’t have to go very far to get the stuff; most drug stores carry the line.  I really applaud the effort to make a quality product that is eco-sensitive and easily available. That’s why it pains me to have to do this, but I must give their new mascara the worst-package-design-ever award*.  Here it is, in all it’s 9-year-old girl glory:

I mean really. I’m an environmentalist and an adult, not a style-challenged kid. Just because I want to be eco-friendly does not mean everything must look like a tree, a plant, or be the color green.  I get that I can recyle the brush. That’s cool.  But honestly? No way in hell would I bust this out infront of my girlfriends. I know that “it’s what’s inside that counts” and all that… but for heaven’s sake. What on earth were you thinking, Physician’s Formula Design Team? And if I won’t buy it, do you really think that someone on the edge of going green would? Someone who cares even more than I do about how their mascara or lipstick looks when they’re applying it in the ladie’s rest room at the bar or in the locker room at the gym?  MMM no.

design FAIL.

*At least they’ve got company. Urban Decay’s pocket rocket is equally deserving.

Significant stories

I think perhaps statistics has taken over my brain.  While reading this fabulous post over at Annie’s place,  I noticed an automatically generated link at the bottom for a blog story entitled “Is divorce in my future?**” and I immediately thought the author was trying to tell me that indeed, divorce was probable and significant at the p<.01 level.