When the going gets tough, I wish I didn’t care.

This week is only half over and my body is already waving a white flag. The only thing more beat down than my flesh and bone right now is my conscience. I haven’t been able to keep up a very green way of life these last few days- which is quite sad considering I’m not very hardcore compared to some people and they manage to do what has to get done everyday. I haven’t been able to make it to the farmer’s market (a 30 minute drive- i know, i know) or even the little farmer’s stand (a 10 minute drive) and have resorted to eating and drinking from vending machines and convenience stores more than I’d like to admit. I’ve used the dryer, taken more showers (and long hot ones at that) than needed, and out of frustration bought an academic daily planner with a vinyl cover when I realized that getting a recycled content planner would take twice as long and cost three times as much once you figured for shipping. My extended working/studying hours means more time the lights and computer are turned on. I waited too long to order my text books through the used book seller on Amazon, and our school bookstore was out of used copies so I had to buy a new one. Tonight I forgot my stainless steel water bottle on my way to class, and bought a soda from the machine. I did buy a 6 pack of organic beer for our picnic on Sunday instead of my usual, which happens to not be organic. Sadly, it didn’t hit the spot like the old stuff.

Sometimes I wish I didn’t think about all the negative consequences of my actions. Some days I wish I could just be blissfully ignorant and go about my day not caring about toxins or working conditions or environmental degradation. I wish I could just leave my empty plastic bottle in the trash or on the floor like other students and just not care. Of course, that’s not my style. When I really think about it I know that I’m better off for caring, and hopefully I’m making some sort of positive impact, even in my very imperfect way.